THE POP TEN

Welcome to my latest creation for Pop-Pop (the mere fact that I call it that, says I'm not ready), the "Pop Ten". Now you may be asking yourself, "What exactly is the 'Pop Ten'?" Well I'm glad you asked! The "Pop Ten" is simply a ranking of random pop culture things. You see it's like a Top Ten, but what I did, see, is I replaced the word "Top" with "Pop", cause, after all, this is a Pop-Culture blog. Get it? Well it will be easier to understand once we get into it. Today's inaugural "Pop Ten" will give you the top ten fictional bands. Now these bands are from television shows or movies, but for them to count for this list, they had to have a fairly main character, or characters, in it. And we mean a real band, with instruments, so sorry, no Hot Sundae getting excited. Now you may wonder how I decide the final rankings. Well there are many factors. But basically I designed a computer program much like the one that determines the college football Top 25. Okay, so that's an out and out lie. There are actually several factors involved. So here are the "Pop Ten" fictional bands:

Well, first my apologies to some close calls for the Top Ten, but The Misfits, Josie and the Pussycats, Jesse and the Rippers, The Lone Rangers, California Dreams and The Heights just missed the cut. We'd also like to add that The Monkees were left off because they actually toured and stuff, so it didn't seem right. The Partridge Family was left off because they suck.


10. Scrantonicity: Yes, that's right, Scranton, PA's wedding band numero uno has cracked the list. Led by manager and drummer Kevin Malone, Scrantonicity is ready to perform weddings and other events in the Scranton-Wilkes Barre area and beyond. I mean when they cover "De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da" I just melt. Honestly.



9. Dr. Funke's Natural Good-Time Family-Band Solution (Would this be too long for a World Series of Pop Culture team name?): Okay, so this one basically made the list because of the name, as well as what they were singing about. "There's no 'I' in Teamocil, at least not where you'd think." Ah, music to my ears. Now, I'm sure many of the above mentioned snubs, may feel that the D.F.N.G.T.F.B.S. doesn't belong in the "Pop Ten", even the "Pop 50". But listen here, Jamie Walters, or Ray Pruitt, whatever your name is, it's my list, so suck on that!



8. The Lone Rangers: 1) The name is awesome! "How can you pluralize The Lone Ranger?" and 2) They hi-jacked a radio station to get their demo on the air. I mean that's the kind of dedication to your craft it takes, to make the "Pop Ten." Plus a band member named Pip? Does it get any better? I submit that it does NOT! Okay well, I guess it does with the next seven, but whatever.



7. Wyld Stallyns: WYLD STALLYNS RULE! Ted 'Theodore" Logan and Bill S. Preston, esquire, you kiddin'me?! There music brings peace in the future, or something like that. Now that's hard to beat! Although 6 other bands did beat them on this list. Anyways they not only know how to rock but are verry deep as well. "Be excellent to each other." Wow. Now some may say that since they only rock in the future, they shouldn't count for this list. But to them I say, "You can stick this flux capacitor where the sun don't shine!"




6. The Zack Attack: Come on?! Like you didn't think they'd be in the "Pop Ten"? Are you kidding me?! "Friends Forever" had to have been the prom song to have back in the day! They did win a Grammy remember? Okay so it was all a dream, but don't act like you weren't impressed! I mean their Grammy was presented to them by Madonna and Micheal Jackson! That's impressive even in a dream, kids!



5. Crucial Taunt: Doesn't get a whole lot better than when they crank out some "Ballroom Blitz", I'll tell you that right now! And not only does Cassandra wail, she's a babe! Schwing! I mean, if she were a president she'd be Babe-raham Lincoln for cryin' out loud!


4. JEM and the Holograms: Truly outrageous indeed! They were glamrock, let's face it! I mean, to not only be one of the best girl groups, um, ever, but to fight off rival bands, keep up secret identities, and help foster children all at the same time? Phew! I'm exhausted just thinking about it. A "Pop Ten" of fictional bands without these ladies, and they are ladies, would be downright blasphemous!



3. B-Sharps: I know this may seem a little low for a bonafide Grammy winner, but I just thought there were two better acts in this Battle of the Fictional Bands. "Baby on Board" is a classic, but the hits just didn't keep coming, so the Grammy can carry them only as high as number three. D'OH!




2. The Blues Brothers: One of the best blues acts of all time and that's the truth. And the trails and tribulations Jake and Elwood had to go through just to get the band back together? In the end seems like a small price to pay to bring together one of the best assemblages of blues talent on this planet. They have style, class, and shades. What more could you ask for?Perhaps a bit of British flavor?



1. Spinal Tap: A stage presence virtually unmatched by most rock groups. I mean these guys no how to put on a show. Pyrotechnics, weird clear cocoon things, they were true showmen. And if you're not careful they'll crank it to eleven and blow you out the arena! And they kept rocking despite losing drummer after drummer, continuously proving there is in fact a fine line between stupid and clever!



Well there you have the very first "Pop Ten"